Xie Xie China

The curtain is pulled back. Outside the green lights line the Pearl River. The dinner cruise ferry and its neon purple gazebo, its flashy neon sides, floats across the river a parody of flash and pretend luxury floating on the polluted river. Music from the riverside speakers floats to the room as a nondescript tune. Lila and Breeda watch a movie on HBO and I check to see if everything is packed. Tomorrow Lila goes home. We leave China a country of dichotomies, opposing elements juxtaposed side by side: our daughters' homeland for which we will forever be grateful. From which we received a gift.

Xie Xie China. Thank you.

Wuxi Girls on Red Couch

The Red Couch Photo. We all take one. Two years ago Clara and Michael took theirs in the wee hours of the morning before we boarded the bus to the airport. Today we took the photos of the three Wuxi girls together and another of all six girls - new sisters and traveling sisters - together. (see that one on B's blog) The girls have been great together these past two weeks. Lila, "K" and "L" will now separate and journey to three different states. Each into large families waiting for them at home.

Yankee Doodle Dandy

Today was the absolute last final final final thing to do in China. Today we went to the US consulate in GZ and swore that everything we wrote on the paperwork was accurate and then received our daughter's visa. We're going home. Here is Lila in front of the consulate. And afterwards our very happy group together in this last step along our journey together. Tomorrow home.

Bronze Statues

Shamian Island is full of bronze statues everywhere. A trip here is not complete w/o photos of them! Here Lila and Breeda pose w/ my favorite, the three women each from a different generation.

Traction

I already knew what my New Year's resolution would be before I got here. But this confirmed it. Shamian Island is like a mini-California of China in that like my old home state (hi all!) people are outdoors a lot. The park area and the open space next to it, also the open space behind Lucy's next to the river is full every morning with adults exercising. Many of them are elderly. See the one photo of Breeda on the monkey bars next to a man who had to have been at least 70. He was pulling his entire body up on the bars. So, while they might be breathing in contaminates and while the water even in the bathroom of the White Swan is a bit yellow from the Pearl River (yes, we brush our teeth w/ bottled water) the folks on this island must have great back traction! This morning we watched a group of women do a dance-like routine that was a cross between Tai Chi and dance. It was beautiful to watch and how refreshed they must have felt afterwards.

Signs of Change and No Barbie

The infamous Barbie that is auctioned by some on eBay. She's tall, blonde, young, dressed nicely, oh, and did I mention young? She holds a tiny Asian baby girl. She doesn't look like anyone of us who go in and out of this hotel with our new children. She is a gift from Mattel. But there's no Barbie this time. Her absence is just one sign of change.

The Mattel factory that used to employ a lot of people in this province is now closed so the Barbie deliveries to the White Swan are not as frequent. We're told we can put in a request and have it shipped to us. 

There are other signs of change. Like the number of Americans here is only a fraction what it was this time two years ago. This is not related to economic changes but for those of us who follow the stats is a result of China pulling back from NSN (another online acronym meaning non-special needs) adoption. Theories abound as to why the wait time for a NSN child has gone from 6 months to what is now almost 3 years. Some say it's because abandonment rates are down as China became more wealthy families can afford the two child fine. And in Wuxi the orphanage assistant did say abandonments have declined. But I believe this may be the case in the large cities. I believe what a few women who have observed China adoption for many years think - that China does not want to be viewed globally as being unable to care for its own children. 

Instead the focus has switched. Two years ago the back corner of the restaurant was full of families with NSN baby girls. This week we have seen only one travel group for NSN, the rest are SN and these children include many boys - maybe as many boys than girls.

The ripple effect on Shamian Island is obvious. Two years ago I couldn't leave the hotel without feeling accosted by the merchants shouting towards us, asking questions, bargaining like crazy. Now there is almost none of that. They still invite us into their booth or store but there is a sense of a pulling back. The aggression is gone. As are the number of merchants. 

A quick eyeball of the surrounding streets I'd say almost 1/3 of the merchants are gone and those who are left do not have the variety of merchandise they had before. According to Jordon (remember him my fellow China adopters?) business is way down. And, unlike last time where he bargained like crazy, he wouldn't budge on prices this time. 

And so as China's adoption policy changes so will Shamian Island. The small economy that grew around Americans coming to stay here with their new children while they wait for their consulate to give them a visa is crumbling. And in the meanwhile I doubt the number of children is actually that much smaller. China is, according to sources who observe orphanages, putting a lot of the children in foster care. I believe the male to female ratio has gotten so out of hand they may have seen a need to keep the girls in country. By recent estimates the male-female ration is 117 to 100. That's a lot when calculated by 1.4 BILLION people. Today in the park I counted of the 7 Chinese children 6 were definitely boys, 1 was possibly a girl but I'd bet a boy (when a baby here they often dress them the same). What are the chances of a random visit to the park and seeing only boys?

There is too much messing with Mother Earth, Mother Nature here. There is too much shame. It permeates everything and is everywhere. It floats as unseen particles in the murky polluted Pearl River outside our window. A river our guide tells us was clear when she was a child. It seeps down from the sky and is breathed in causing who knows what kinds of cancer. It echoes in the cold rooms of orphanages where children sleep who will never have a home. And it drifts our way as we purchase its goods and breath the effects of the air as it makes its way across the earth.

When we left Jordon's store today I told T that I will think of Jordon a year from now as we celebrate our one year anniversary of Lila's Forever Family Day. I will think of him sitting in that store trying to get by, families returning to him to do dot etches of their children's faces in stone, for the free caligraphy of their child's name. I will think of it all, every part of this journey and be so glad its over but know it is part of our daughter's history. 

The Hour in the Room

The girls in the beautiful lobby of the White Swan Hotel 

Lila at the park this morning.

After a morning walk we returned to our room for the hour wait for our guide, Grace's, phone call. This is it. She is at the American consulate right now with our paperwork file. The I600, the province paperwork, the adoption certificate, our homestudy, our proof of fingerprint approval, our I171-H, our passport copies, and our daughter's passport. It's now 1/2 hour into the hour and no call...so far a good sign. She will call for two reasons - 1, if there's a problem with our paperwork and she tells me to jump in a cab to the consulate to help resolve it; or 2, the call I hope will come which is that everything is fine and we can leave our room now. Once that call comes we are done. The last thing to do will be to go to the consulate tomorrow afternoon and pickup our daughter's American visa and swear her in as a citizen.

Breeda is doing the last of her homework. I am checking email. Lila is writing something in one of her notebooks, pretend writing, and telling us a great story except we can't understand what it's about. But it sounds like it's pretty interesting!

Today we woke to a haze of gray resting on top of the city of Guangzhou seen across the Pearl River and went down to the lovely breakfast finally able to say "the day after tomorrow we leave." It feels like a year since I've seen Aidan and Clara. 

What do two women staying at the White Swan do when their kids get along really well? They swap babysitting services for 1/2 hour massages. T and I are taking turns for 1/2 hour massages later today! :)

The White Swan

Ok, not everyone will appreciate this but those of you who have been on this journey or are waiting for this journey you know what I felt when our van pulled into the long driveway that led to the White Swan Hotel. This time the feeling was just as strong as last time - a sense of having arrived, of the journey finally near it's end. To say this part of the journey is much anticipated is an understatement. This is the last stop before home. The last dropping of paperwork. The last business in China which is now with the American consulate here in Guangzhou. On Tuesday our new guide will take the paperwork accumulated in China, along with our daughter's Chinese passport, to the consulate for them to give her a visa and the infamous "brown envelope" which will be passed to the immigration official in Newark which will make her an American citizen.

So, for Americans adopting in China it is where we all end: Shamian Island in Guangzhou. And for most we stay at the White Swan. (For HAS families waiting, I don't know why ANYONE would ever choose the Victory.) Upon entering the hotel one sees families just like us - though not as many this time (sign of the slowdown?). We share small talk in the elevator, swap stories at Lucy's, in the playroom or over breakfast, all the while knowing that to get here we have gone through various versions of the same journey each slightly different, some longer than others, but each one as emotionally draining. 

And what way to end the journey in this fantastic hotel. It just doesn't compare. Remember? The sound of the waterfall, the air freshener they use that hits you once you get off the elevator on your floor (which smells quite opposite to the Ramada!). At this time of year the jackets peel off on arrival and first thing we walked to Lucy's unburdened by gloves, coats, wind where we ate from the mixed menu. We strolled to the friendship store and Jordan's and Michaels. Coming back to you now? And as it got dark we watched the lights come on around the Pearl River which from our room now looks aglow with neon and returned to our beds turned down and that little jar w/ chocolates by our bed.

For those of you who have not been here: it's just a really nice hotel with awesome food and incredible service and a darn good way to end what is a very long and tiresome journey.

Photos tomorrow and Breeda will post some as well. 

Goodbye Nanjing

Another wake up to gray film filtering the sun into a mutant moon. Though it's morning, the sky is dusk and the bland white disk that should be yellow and glaring floats like a Neco wafer: benign and insignificant. What it must be like to not see the sun in all its glory. For it to be so irrelevant. Here it sits like a forgotten cousin but the effect is malignant and must damage more than just the earth but the psyche as well.

The answer is to wear masks and mop the grit from doorways each morning. I was so mistaken those first days when I saw the sky. At breakfast I chatted with a man from Arizona who just learned he has to stay here through the holidays. He told me I'm lucky it's not summer. That he went three months and saw the sun twice between the rain and the pollution.

Our last day in Jiangsu Province.

The girls and I strolled again to the Hunan Road for some gifts. We stopped in Starbucks and sang Christmas songs to each other lounging on those comfy blue chairs. Lila knows Jingle Bells. I pause and think of the kids who did not leave with Lila, still in Wuxi singing Jingle Bells in that classroom with the fish art on the bulletin board.

We've now come in and out of the Ramada so many times that Lila knows when to press up or down; 1st floor or 26th floor. She knows the breakfast buffet by heart. Wait till she sees the White Swan's offering!

Four women and six children shared two cabs and trekked to Ming Tomb this afternoon which offered not only history but wide open space for our children to run freely. Between the paths, steps up and down and driveways the kids had a proper workout. We posed in front of the huge rock-carved animals and hopped another two cabs back to meet our guide for receipt of our daughter's passport that allows us to leave the province tomorrow morning. With the passing of that passport our business with Jiangsu Province has officially ended.

Our guide, Sandra, took us for a celebratory meal. Breeda was much more adventurous than me. Lila kept turning the lazy-Susan and taking from every option until there was no room left on any of her plates!

The girls are just beginning to doze. It is morning in the U.S. Night here. Tomorrow we say goodbye to Nanjing, goodbye Wuxi, goodbye Jiangsu, our daughter's birthplace which will forever connect us to here.

Aidan & Clara, Look Who Eats Breakfast with Chopsticks Now

Limbo Day

Today was the day we do nothing as we wait for the province to give us our daughter's Chinese passport. I woke to the China of two years ago. It began with that familiar gray haze blocking the sun which I thought at first was fog. But fog isn't so illusive or hovering. Fog goes away. It drifts, has movement. This was no fog. It didn't lift. Pollution, China's shame - one of them - lingers and taunts this country's progress - a shadow forcing conscience for the damage it's reeking on our planet. A trip to the city wall confirmed the vapor veil would continue to hinder our view for the day. 

This morning the girls and I walked through the neighborhood behind the hotel. I'll save the photos for Breeda's blog. She had her first view of an authentic local neighborhood and street market. 

Later our guide took us to a brocade silk museum where we saw looms 20 feet long by 10 foot high shared by two loomers - one at the top, another the bottom. A complex contraption that involved one dictating the intricate pattern from a series of ropes at the top to the other pulling the silk at the bottom. A craft passed generation to generation for thousands of years reeks, like everything else from ancient China, of intensive labor.

Another stroll to the other side of the Hunan Road and at last a Starbucks where I bought my first decent cup of English Breakfast tea. Tomorrow afternoon we get Lila's passport, share a celebratory meal with our guide and travel group - all of us now sans husbands who have returned or, like mine, are still in route, home - and finally head to Guangzhou on Saturday. White Swan here we come. 

Hunan Road at Night

Wuxi Social Welfare Institute

Yesterday we boarded a small bus for the three hour ride to Wuxi to see what was our daughter's home. The ride from Nanjing to Wuxi brought us through some older suburbs and some farm land. There were pockets of factories and manufacturing along the way. Often manufacturing facilities - where all those goods that we all buy from toys, to clothing, to, well, everything - are visible by the blue roof tops. 

We left one wealthy city and journeyed to another. As we drove into Wuxi the air thickened and had that familiar gray hue we saw everywhere we went two years ago. There is some industry in Wuxi which explains the change. And construction projects abounded. Cranes swung around future rows of apartment complexes. 

The Institute was, well, what it is. As institutes go it's one of the nicer ones. They make a great effort for the children and clearly have goals in the classrooms. The classrooms looked very much like any in the U.S. The other day we were given a binder of Lila's school work containing all the familiar projects, coloring, lettering, of any pre-schooler. 

But, still, it's no home and Lila was conflicted about going back. They were very generous to us and the other two families and gave us a meal which included dishes with eyes in tact, etc. The gesture was meaningful and the representative answered all of our questions. I ate a lot of rice :)

On the way home we detoured through downtown Wuxi to locate the finding spot of the child of one of the other families. Downtown Wuxi, like Nanjing, could have been Manhattan. This part of China is clearly booming. Though our guide did say that there have been recent layoffs and a dip in manufacturing because of the US economy. 

When we got back we walked back to another part of the Hunan Road with one of the families. It lights up at night so there is the neon China again. It's a great place for us to stroll with lots of restaurants. The kids wanted pizza so we ate in Pizza Hut. 

Today is sightseeing day. Sandra, our sweet guide, will bring us to a few sights in Nanjing. 

Steven left at 5:30 this morning. One more week for us.

China Time

What do you do when your body clock blinks you awake at an insanely early hour and everyone else in the room is doing this?

You finish ordering your Christmas shopping on amazon. You read the NY Times online...which I CAN get this time! You check email because the web traffic is so much faster now in the hotel (b/c everyone else is asleep!).

And you wait for the breakfast buffet to open. The Ramada's breakfast buffet has nothing on the White Swan (shout out to all of you who know!). You've never had a breakfast buffet until you've eaten breakfast in the White Swan. But it suffices just fine to fill us up until mid day. I brought my tea bags with me and last night our new buddy Alex (English speaking Ramada employee) hooked me up with some to go cups. I just put the electric kettle on and realized the milk was gone. AHHH! I was SO dying for it.

To any HAS families out there who stayed at the Ramada - food suggestions welcome! Where is that German restaurant you all talked about?

Nanjing

After yet another lunch in the hotel we went for a walk to the Hunan Road. Nanjing is such a different city than any we've been to in China. The Hunan Road was a line of shops much like any High Street in Britain or Main Street at home.
Pam told me it was a wealthy city and I now see she was right. It's so clean in comparison to any other Chinese city we've been before. Even the Civil Affairs office was so well-run and in a nice building. (To G & J: polar opposite to Shenyang civil affairs office!) The cars are new, they follow the traffic rules (!). Fashionable young people are everywhere. Also, I've noticed when we see young children a lot of them are girls and many two-child families. A sign of wealth as only certain incomes can afford the fine of a two-child family. There is almost no construction. Unlike Shenyang where we counted sometimes 15 cranes in one block, or Beijing in its mad dash to the Olympics when we were here last, Nanjing has two major construction projects that we've seen so far.
Today we went with our traveling partners to the WalMart to get some snacks and drinks for the hotel room. Standing on the street corner in that part of Nanjing it could have been near 34th Street in NYC. This is a very different view of China than before.
One of our two English-speaking connections at the Ramada - Alex, a young man from Columbia working here to try and learn Chinese - has filled us in on life in Nanjing. He describes a young, happening city with an active nightlife. The other, Warren, a young Chinese man who lived in New Zealand to learn English, is the hotel's assistant manager, who tells us Nanjing is China's western city.
Steven is convinced there are government restrictions on energy use. The neon displays of two years ago are nowhere to be seen. And the city's highrises are dark at night. He's pointed out how in the large department stores sales people are wearing coats and the heat is turned down. He might be right.
Tomorrow Breeda will likely see some of the China we knew from two years ago as we journey 3 hours each way on bus to Wuxi, Lila's former home. Lila sits on my knee as I write this and repeats after me "Mommy's computer." She's adorable.

Forever Family Day

Today we returned to the Civil Affairs Office and Lila officially became part of our family. Tomorrow we travel to Wuxi - 3 hours by bus - to visit the Wuxi Social Welfare Institute, Lila's home for these past years. Friday we receive Lila's Chinese passport and Saturday we leave for Guangzhou for Lila's paperwork to be processed at the American consulate so that she can be sworn in next Wednesday. Each step along the way paperwork collected over the past year drips away from us and more paperwork is collected.

Our second Forever Family Day Breeda was here to experience and was our videographer while Steven and I red-thumbprinted whereever the official told us to.

Hallway Soccer

What do two 9-year olds do in a hotel? Play indoor soccer in the hallway with a beach ball. Here's Lila joining in with Breeda and K, another big sister from another traveling partner family.

Bling Bling

We gave Lila some dress up jewelry yesterday and she puts it on every time we leave the hotel room and makes sure her necklace shows outside her jacket. She counts her rings each time to make sure they are all there. Very cute. Reminds me of another little girl I know (Clara).

Guess Who Has a New BFF?

I'm going to have to exploit this buddy-relationship before Steven leaves on Thursday and slip away for another one of those silk hair washings tomorrow. :)

Lila followed him all day today.

Candyland

Recognize a Theme?

For those of you who know Clara and Aidan's primary activity is going through reams of paper and markers, paint, crayons. Take a look at who is going to fit right in:

Lila

I think we should go that way

Dozing

Snoozing between walks. 

Lucky for Breeda one of the other families has a 9-year old girl. They hit it off right away and played a racket ball game in the hallway yesterday evening. 

Breeda on plane

Breeda lost her Elite status on Continental when we moved to NJ. No more every-two month cross country flights for her. She was always a great traveling partner and still is. Though the length of this flight is tough on us all! It's now 4:00am and we've been up since 2:00am. That's what happens when you fall asleep at 6:30pm! :)

email back...sortof

I think it's a traffic issue. Can retrieve at night.

email

FYI - Even though we can access a lot more online here in Nanjing than we were able to last time in Shenyang I cannot access my me.com email address.

But, I can access my optonline account. 

Feel free to use my margbennett@optonline.net for now. 

:)

Arrived Nanjing

Two years ago to the day that we left China with Clara, we arrived again much bleary-eyed last night. In the pitch darkness we had our first of what I'm sure will be many interesting car journeys through back roads around the airport to the Nanjing Ramada where the three of us fell asleep within minutes of getting our room. 

Breeda's first day in China was spent getting familiar with our neighborhood. We located a small grocery store for snacks, explored the surrounding streets. Nanjing is a much richer city than Shenyang. The roads and traffic are much more orderly, cars are newer, people are very well-dressed. This is one of the richest cities in China.

As Pam suggested we had a silk hair washing in the hotel this afternoon. Lovely antidote to recover from our journey which was 24 hours door-to-door.

Then we met up with T and her family - another Homeland (our adoption agency) family. Their 9-year old and Breeda enjoyed our walk together. They are playing a game in the hallway now. Later we expect to meet the other family. In the morning we will all meet our guide in the lobby who will take us to meet our children.

Tomorrow: Lila. Finally.

Last US post

Our travel companions are on their way. We will meet them in Nanjing Sunday. 

Lila here we come.

CA

CA .... the final final final final final approval one needs before you can call Continental and book that flight to Beijing. The precious Consulate Appointment. 

Some of you know the lingo.

CA comes after the TA which is after the LOSC, or LOA, which is after the PA, but you might not get the PA, which comes before or after the LID, and the LOI - though the LOI could be before or after the LID - and most of this is after the DTC, though sometimes not.

Then you go on RQ forums and check which LID rec'd their LOSC or their LOA and then which LOA rec'd their TA. And then you start to guestimate. And you're always wrong. Because there is no pattern. And just when you think you've figured out a pattern - that TAs come three weeks after LOSCs, for example - the pattern changes and it changes when it's your turn up. But you watch as LIDs slip off the forum and yours gets closer.

At some point you email your agency's director - any updates? You tell her what you're hearing from RQ. She gives you a little perspective but can't make any guesses. It's not up to her, it's not up to anyone but China Center. 

The online lingo of parents waiting to adopt their children - each represents various approvals, stages, one's dossier goes through once it gets to China. 

At 11:00pm Monday evening I heard my cell phone ring. I knew it had to be news. We (us and the two other families traveling with us) had hoped we'd get it on Sunday night. We share a message board and I had just signed off my resignation that nothing was coming in that night, gone to bed, and then the phone rang. 

It was G, one of the moms traveling with us. I knew it had to be good news and sure enough as I called her back I saw the email from our agency: verbal confirmation for CA. 

That was Monday night. Yesterday we booked. Friday we're off. 

We meet Lila on Monday. 

Practice in patience

For those of you in the know, on a similar journey to your child, you know about this. This continual practice in patience. Of waiting. Of wondering. Of hoping. Of getting hopes dashed. And then of finally being able to see the end in sight.

We are now 15 months into a journey that started much like our last one: with choosing an agency, receiving packets, making appointments, and beginning that famous paperwork trail. That trail continues right up to the end. It started, this time, with a conversation with Pam, one of the directors of our agency, who described the Xingfu Program - the Happiness Program - which would soon connect us with our new daughter. 

Being the second time in I thought I'd have it down. I was a pro, right? Wrong. It was just as endless: the notarizing, the authentication, the multiple overnight envelopes to State Departments for final authentication, the fingerprints for the state, the fingerprints for CIS, the long wait for both those appointments, the hours of online courses that had to be logged in despite the fact that we'd taken all of them before, the social worker who went MIA with our home study draft, the trips downtown to the Department of Health for authentication and the mad-dash crisscross across downtown to the NY State Department with those same docs, overnight deliveries back-and-forth to the Chinese embassy in San Francisco, and finally the trip to 42nd St. to the Chinese embassy in NYC for final authentication which occurred last spring at the height of Olympics-travel visa requests resulting in hours upon hours spent in that hallway until I finally cut the line and got into a battle of assertiveness wills with the man behind the counter who finally relented when I pointed to my two youngest children who had been sitting for three hours in what looked like was going to be another five hour wait. I was number 248, they were on number 15. 

Our emotional urgency picked up in January when Nancy, our agency's other director, phoned one evening and said she had a file for a little girl in her hand. Within minutes we rec'd that file via email. Our Lila. 

Along the way acts of kindness sneak in reminding me to take pause, reminding me it's not about the process. Pam and Nancy, for example, our agency's directors, grounding me each time we spoke. Their dedication to children in need is humbling. Other smaller acts of kindness eased the frustration:  the CIS worker who after a couple of hours of playing with CIS phone number extensions I managed to get live on the phone. He offered up his email address which I proceeded to use on a weekly and then daily basis checking on our approval. He tried, I believe, though did not succeed in speeding up what turned out to be a six-month wait for our own government's approval. Then there's the woman in the SF Dept of Health who took my overnight envelope and our personal check,  put our marriage certificate in it, and on her lunch hour walked it over to the local FedEx to send it overnight to the Secretary of State saving us about two weeks of wait time by sending it straight from there. Or the woman who on her lunch hour in a snow storm met me at our doctor's office to notarize our doctor signing medical forms. 

And then it ends. The last document comes in. You're finished. The precious 171-H arrives from CIS and you add that to the pile. You're done. It's ready to go. You look at it sitting on your desk. For my adoption friends you know this feeling. 

Off to China it goes.

That was mid-May.  It is one day shy of December.